#* 𝄞 . medusa is given a blade to the neck for daring to be mad about it : ‟ study . „

[twicedailyquotes]

Immediately I recall Caravaggio’s painting of Medusa, feared by the male heroes of Greek mythology. I am thirteen and I stand in an art gallery, marble floors shining and my breath echoing around the room. Medusa has her mouth open in a bloody, hysterical scream, her head decapitated; it is silenced by the glass separating the painting from me. It reflects my face over her own -- a mirror. I am sixteen now, and I want to scream. Rage. Cry. We are told not to. My head, firmly attached to my neck writhes with snakes of questions about this. I have no snakes for hair, yet my own contentious relationship with the concepts of beauty and ugliness seems to explain my having some sharp edges. When girls are weighed on the scale of beauty, of worth -- am I not allowed to simply exist? -- the scale places rage on the negative end. Medusa is given trauma, has it forced down her throat and into her lungs; Medusa is given a blade to her neck for daring to be mad about it. Girls are given trauma, and they are given no place to put it down.

Author Unknown Girlhood, Medusa, and Female Rage

[violnc]

since reggie was already dead by the time vanya found out about her powers, i think killing pogo was sort of   ...   the next best thing, to make up for that betrayal?   nothing could ever really make up for it, but some kind of revenge for 25 years of her life stolen from her felt necessary.   and yes, pogo was family, but he also purposefully hid vanya’s powers from her just as much as reginald, defended reggie at every given opportunity, concealed the truth of reginald’s death, etc.

i think a lot about just how aware vanya was when she asked pogo if he knew & got his response.   she gave him the chance to explain himself, and he used that chance to defend reginald & tell vanya that reginald was right to hide this from her, rather than apologize.  and she wasn’t in full white violin mode, wasn’t dissociating the way she is most other times she uses her powers in s1.   she was fully, entirely present, and made the decision to kill pogo in a much more concrete way than any of the other deaths or injuries she caused in s1.   she smiled.

honestly, the way she killed pogo is a main foundation & justification for my vigilante mainverse:   the fucking clarity she had while exacting her revenge there, how she paused in her destruction of the mansion to make sure he died speaks to a wish for revenge & a capability for violence in the name of what she sees as justice for what’s been done to her.   she wasn’t as present when she killed leonard or nearly killed allison or brought the academy down around her, but with pogo, she knew exactly what she was doing.

[vionya]

medusa is given a blade to her neck for daring to be mad about it.     +     quote .

[violnc]

i can’t remember if s2 ever said how long vanya was in the 60s   ( pls let me know if it did & you remember! )   but i’m going to say it was around 4-5 months.   for the first few weeks vanya was a bit of a mess,   though she tried to hide it so as not to be a burden on sissy and carl.   she had her guard constantly up for about two months,    even as she got closer to sissy   —   it was almost impossible for her to trust anything about the coopers’ intentions after what happened with leonard.   sissy was the most understanding of vanya’s boundaries;   especially since harlan and vanya are both autistic,   sissy figured vanya just had some of the same symptoms as harlan,   which wasn’t an incorrect assumption,   it just wasn’t the root of it.

[violnc]

what was college life like for vanya? both in comparison to what her life was like at the academy + in general. did she make friends - and was she comfortable there?

vanya had very high hopes for college when she decided she was going to leave the academy and pursue schooling.   most of those hopes were not met.   it turns out that,   with absolutely no guidance or family assistance,   adjusting to a normal life when you’ve spent the last seventeen years in isolation and haven’t really even left your childhood home aside from occasionally sneaking out is,   uh,   very difficult!   even if she had had a relatively normal childhood,   living on your own for the first time as a young autistic person is fuckin’ hard   ( speaking from experience here! ),   but with vanya’s upbringing,   it was near-impossible to adjust to.

near-impossible,   but not entirely impossible.   she did adjust eventually.   spent the first few months of living on her own surviving almost entirely off cereal and frozen waffles because the sheer number of options gave her a panic attack the first time she went grocery shopping by herself,   and didn’t really talk to people in her classes,   but she did the best she could.   she went to parties her classmates through every once in a while,   if only to stand off to the side and drink without talking to anyone.   she liked the feeling of being in a group,   if only until it got too overwhelming and she had to leave.

she didn’t have many friends.   she doesn’t really know how not to isolate herself,   and every time someone neared the point of being a friend,   she tended to panic and push them away.   ( when you grow up being told you’re not allowed to be close to anyone,   it’s difficult to unlearn that so quickly. )

despite all the downsides   —   she genuinely was much happier in college than at the academy.   it’s the first time she got to be her own person outside of her family;   even with the mortifying ordeal of being called seven hargreeves in roll-call because she’d forgotten that’d be the legal name on the attendance sheet,   even with the panic of normal-life issues she’d never had to deal with before,   she was happy there.   she studied violin,   obviously,   but realized she enjoyed writing as well and took a lot of writing / poetry classes her junior and senior year.   she was alone,   most of the time,   but much more content with that than she ever was before.

bonus:   some other posts i’ve written about vanya in college!   vanya’s first day of classes,   vanya’s class schedule.

ask me about vanya!

[violnc]

because lesbian vanya rights, how/when did vanya know she was a lesbian?

it took her a while to figure it out.   she knew she was attracted to women by the time she finished college,   but she was never really any good with relationships,   generally:   she’s prone to isolating herself simply because she’s never known any other way of being,   and though she had crushes on a few girls in her college classes,   she never did anything to act on those crushes.   for a long time,   she didn’t investigate her attraction to women beyond knowing it existed   —   she didn’t see the point,   really,   since relationships weren’t her main priority and she didn’t know how to go about getting into one anyways.

in a canon-compliant timeline,   she realizes with sissy.   falling in love with sissy is such a turning point to the way vanya thinks about relationships and love in general   —   she never knew the mere act of being around someone could feel so good,   so joyful.   she feels free with sissy in a way she never has before,   and it only takes a little bit of self-analysis to realize that all of her past relationships were with men and that she could never imagine feeling this way about any of them,   and then things click into place.

in my main timeline   ( sorry sissy ily! )   she still realizes a few months post-s1,   but it’s not set off by any one person;   it’s just a lot of reflection on how she feels,   how she’s trying to recover from what leonard did,   if her aversion to men is just because of him or if it’s existed long before that,   etc.   

in both cases,   coming to the conclusion that she’s a lesbian is very healing for her,   tbh.   she’s learning a lot about herself in the aftermath of s1,   and a lot of it   ( her powers and what she can do with them and who she can hurt with them,   her capability for violence and death,   etc )   is not things she’s necessarily proud of   —   but her lesbianism is something she can be truly happy to figure out.

ask me about vanya!

[violnc]

i’m once again thinking about the steep learning curve vanya had to go through when she left the academy   —   which all of them,   to one extent or the other,   had to reckon with,   but vanya even moreso because at least the rest of them went out on missions and were on tv and in magazines;   they had contact with the outside world,   while vanya’s entire existence was limited to the academy and the times she snuck out as a teenager to the dozen-or-so blocks surrounding it.   she had absolutely no clue how to interact with people,   how to do basically anything on her own,   and she didn’t have anyone to lean on while she learned.   she knew,   technically,   that her childhood was far from normal,   but she didn’t know what that meant   —   that most children have names before age ten and aren’t just numbers,   that most children aren’t used as target practice by their siblings or sent to spar with the toughest of them as punishment,   that most college-aged kids haven’t seen one sibling disappear and another die by the time they’re seventeen.   it’s all very overwhelming.

[violnc]

CANON DIVERGENCIES RE: SEASON TWO.   mostly with regards to vanya’s amnesia   &   interactions with her family.

vanya did not lose all of her memories.   most of what happened right before the jump backwards is,   however,   quite hazy:   she was pretty much dissociating through the concert and for a lot of the events that preceded it,   and her memory of that is very vague   &   only solidifies when she’s being tortured by the fbi.

she essentially shoves what she does remember about the week or so prior to the jump as far back in her mind as possible.   she knows that she hurt allison,   knows that her siblings came after her at the concert,   and while the memory of these beyond the basic facts of the matter is hazy,   she assumes nothing good happened afterwards to lead to her ending up alone in the sixties.   she assumes her siblings will be trying to find her.   she   ...   doesn’t have the best expectations for when they do   —   she hurt them all quite a lot,   and since luther’s attempt at locking her up doesn’t work,   she’s half sure they’ll just kill her.

she spends a few days trying very hard not to let her panic over that show   —   how would she explain it to sissy and carl,   who have so kindly let her into their home?   —   and claims total amnesia to avoid explaining all the things that would not be believed,   though she doesn’t stick with that lie when her siblings do find her.

—

when luther finds her,   she’s terrified.   she assumes he’s going to kill her.   ( he did bring a gun. )   she stays quiet,   mostly,   says as little as possible,   and does not accept his apology.   it’s   ...   it’s a nice attempt,   but given that he tricked her in season one with a hug and then locked her in her worst nightmare,   she can’t exactly believe him.   she’s very relieved when sissy shows up.

once she establishes that they aren’t going to try and kill her or lock her away again,   she’s a bit more comfortable with the others.   she finally gets to apologize to allison when she sees her again   —   it’s such a relief to hear allison’s voice and see that vanya didn’t cause any permanent damage.   as per usual,   she trusts five the most out of all of them.

—

going to see reginald is a fucking nightmare for vanya.   having to face him while knowing that he hid her powers from her   —   she saw him only a few times in the twelve years between her leaving the academy and his death,   and really only in passing on occasions she went back to visit grace.

(   she’s known for a long time that reginald was not remotely a good father,   but this anger is new.   she wasn’t able to be this angry before.   )

i think she probably talks to one of her siblings   (   lbr probably five   )   before they go,   explains that she’s   ...   afraid,   not of him but of herself.   telling someone helps to keep her feelings in check,   or at least make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid about them.

her show of her powers is a bit more dramatic.   tbh it’s hard to believe she’d have enough control over them to narrow in on the bowl of fruit anyways   —   think more table shaking,   lightbulbs bursting,   windows cracking,   food exploding very specifically all over reginald’s expensive clothes.

(   vanya,   smiling the same intimidating way she does during her confrontation with five:   oops.   )

—

tbh i’m conflicted on the addition to vanya’s powers of her being able to heal people.   it seems extremely overpowered and not at all in line with the rest of what she can do   —   but i also really liked the arc with harlan in the last few episodes,   and wouldn’t want to get rid of that,   so i’m keeping it.   it takes a lot of energy for vanya to do that,   though,   and as shown can have pretty drastic consequences,   so she wouldn’t do it again unless she had absolutely no other choice.

[violnc]

muse battle edition.

fight  honorably / fight  dirty  /  prefer close-quarters /  prefer  range  /  chat  during  /  go  silent   /  low  pain  tolerance  /  high  pain  tolerance  /  attack  in  bursts  /  attack  steadily  / go  for  the  kill /  aim  to  disarm  /  fight  defensively  /  strike  first /  provoke  easily  /  provoke  their  opponent  /  tease  /  get  visibly  frustrated  /  shout  while  attacking  /  use  strategy   /  focus  on  their  battle  /  experience  conflicting  thoughts  during  battle  /  rush  in  recklessly / try  to  read  their  opponent  before  fighting  / fight  wildly   / fight  calmly  / fight  with  anger  /  fight  with  excitement  /  fight  because  they  have  to /  fight  because  they  want  to  /  fight  without  regard  to  wounds /  run  away  when  wounded  /  hide  wounds  / take  a  blow  to  protect  another  /  prefer  a  blade  /  prefer  a  gun  /  prefer  a  bow  /  prefer  a  shield  /  prefer  a  spear  / prefer  a  personalized  weapon  /  prefer  magic  or  spells  /  prefer  brawling   /  their  greatest  weakness  is  physical  / their  greatest  weakness  is  mental  /  their  greatest  weakness  is  emotional  /  transform  for  battle  /  fight  as  they  appear  /  rely  on  strength  /  rely  on  speed  /  use  everything  they  have /  hide  their  full  potential  / exhaust  quickly  / high  stamina /  doubt  their  strength  /  proceed  with  caution  /  behave  arrogantly  /  brag  after  landing  a  hit / belittle  foes  abilities  /  use  psychological  tactics  /  use  brute  strength  /  avoid  civilians /  strike  down  civilians  /  damage  surroundings  /  avoid  damaging  surroundings  /  signature  fighting  style  /  making  it  up  as  they  go  /  mastered  skillset  /  learning  their  skillset  / fancy  footwork  /  sloppy  footwork  /  messy  fighter  /  elegant  fighter  /  accept  defeat  /  refuse  defeat  /  beg  for  mercy  /  compliment  their  opponent  /  insult  their  opponent  /  use  unnecessary  movements  (  flips,  twirls  )  /  move  efficiently  /  barely  move  /  prefer  to  dodge  /  prefer  to  block  /  defend  their  blindside  /  has  no  blindside  /  use  all  available  advantages  /  strictly  use  one  main  method  /  play  around  /  hold  back  / fight  ruthlessly  /  show  mercy  /  wait  for  opponent  to  be  ready  /  strike  when  opponent  isn’t  ready  /  fear  death  /  fear  pain  /  fear  killing  /  has  PTSD  /  avoid  fighting  /  has  lost  a  fight /  has  won  a  fight  /  has  killed  /  refused  to  kill  /  want  to  die  standing  /  would  succumb  slowly

[violnc]

TAGS 01.